Marriage & Family Crises, Arguments, Divorce
Families and couples inevitably go through different phases, and the changes they bring are challenging and turbulent. Birth of a child, moving, children starting school, children leaving home, retirement, death of a family member… All these changes require life reorganization, stepping out of the comfort zone, renegotiating and compromising, which raises tension and brings plenty of reasons for arguments.
Moreover, our emotions change over time. Passion fades and sometimes falls short of expectations. It is deeply disappointing to notice that your partner no longer looks at you with the same intensity as before. One of the greatest crises is caused by infidelity, which tremendously burdens couples. Yet, practice shows that with an adequate approach, such breaks can be an opportunity to completely redefine the partnership and start anew.
Some choose divorce, which can also have various consequences. If you do decide to take this step, therapy can help you redefine family relationships, accept and bear the changes, and reorganize your life so that you begin to feel fulfilled and accomplished again.
Questions & Answers
How do I know if we will break up?
John Gottman conducted longitudinal research with couples to identify predictors of relationship breakdown. Based on this, he defined the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: criticism (attacking the partner's character rather than a specific behavior), contempt (mockery, belittling, sarcasm, a sense of superiority), defensiveness (constant self-defense, blame-shifting, refusing responsibility), and stonewalling (emotional withdrawal and shutting down communication). If you recognize any of these patterns in your relationship, it is time to start working on them.
How do we stop arguing?
Arguments in themselves don't have to be destructive — even happy couples argue. However, they often spiral out of control and add toxicity to a relationship. Gottman's most famous finding is the 5:1 ratio: in stable couples, for every negative interaction during conflict, there are five positive ones — humor, touch, acknowledgment, accepting some responsibility, showing understanding. Negative interactions leave a stronger impression and linger longer, so the positive must predominate. A key shift in therapy is often changing the lens through which partners see each other — a lens that, over time, darkens and interprets everything negatively. Changing that perspective is the prerequisite for partners to step out of their trenches and reconnect.
How do I end a relationship I no longer want?
Many clients come to me with a desire to leave a relationship that is suffocating them — one with violence, obsessive control, or toxic patterns with no will from both partners to change. People stay for many reasons: insecurity, lack of support, fear of judgment, financial constraints. Those who stay for a long time forget themselves and their own strengths. The first step is returning to yourself — asking what you truly want and what your needs are, then building strength to reach a position where you can freely choose. And if you choose to stay, let it be because you want to, not because you see no way out.
How are family crises overcome?
Family crises typically arise during transitional phases — when a couple starts living together, when they have children, or when children grow up and leave home. These changes require adjustment from all family members. Extended families interfere in spouses' dynamics, parents unconsciously sabotage their children's independence. A systemic approach helps clients navigate these crises by becoming more aware of the problems, accepting new roles, and establishing a new structure. This therapy can be conducted with the whole family or with individual members.
Contact us for a free consultation